Welcome back to the city, formerly green and in the sun. Wonder where the lush disappeared replaced by trash and the sun replaced by foggy brains. You are coming back to a city where those wiry “soldiers” at the entrance of every mall will stop, roughly search your car and painfully bang your shutters as if your’s is one of those hard bodies originally made by Ford himself.
Still here, you are going to encounter more potholes on your way to the estate. Be prepared to spend extra coins on shocks.
You are going to meet new road rules not to exceed 5kph. While most roads, have been changed, so the turning you used to take home is revoked, the next turning is yet to be defined. Kitu kidogo on the roads is unlikely to end, even though we got a new Sheriff in town. New brooms sweep better but don’t have the agility to sweep at corners, Geez!!!
You will spend some time doing coffee (well, that’s if you are polished enough) a separate guide on coffee shops is attached. But be prepared for mood swings in these coffee shops. We are yet to establish standards in courtesy in these joints. Well, just like Twitter and Whatsup, the coffee shop is addictive (pun unintended), we will still do the coffees. Lets meet there for a latte.
Still on social media, folks, expect more filth to spew through this platform. Men and women with brains of chicken will pour murk ranging from pornography to character assassinations. In this world, we have experts on everything, and idlers who claim to be privy of goings-on of every bedroom or boardroom.
In this New Year, there are many resolutions. Mostly for ladies who are single, have resolved kupata mtu. But, folks be prepared to answer a barrage of questions from this desperate lass who will always wonder: “ why are you still single,” even when you are just a boy in second year and as broke as a bank teller. Others will be like “sitaki kuchomwa na your girlfriend….” expecting you to reveal your relationship status.
More ladies will buy their own drinks this year, but hey guys, be prepared to folk more on drinks for the city damsel and be ready to be left high and dry once your wallet shrinks. It’s the rule of the game, huh! And to my sisters, more men will emerge with big talk this year, how they are connected with this governor or that…the rest tutamalizia kwa Kanyari. Oh yeah, talking of conmen (though chiqs too are fraudsters) Kanyari will thrive and he will treat more cancer trust me. And yeah, those in dalliance with their pastors, you know the results while, still at it, a smooth-talking pastor is going to rob us point blank while smiling without firing a single shot.
All in all its gonna be a great year in the city. Welcome back.